5 Tips for a Cooperative Divorce

1. Take Off Your Emotional Hat

Spouses can push our buttons. If you got along beautifully, you probably wouldn’t be getting divorced.

Remember, people act out due to fear. This is the time to put the past aside and not respond emotionally. You’ll develop and preserve more good will if you stay calm and polite.

Learn to step away and take deep breaths.

No response is better than making things worse.

2. Put On Your Business Hat

The divorce process is a negotiation.

Think about your goals, your spouse’s interests, and how both your needs can be met.

I often tell clients to pretend the judge is sitting on their shoulder taking note of everything they say and do. Take the high road.

Whether your goal is preserving family relationships, the ability to co-parent in the future, or preserving assets for a smooth transition, keep your eye on the prize.

3. Be Patient

It’s common for one spouse to have moved on in their mind while the other struggles coming to terms with the marriage’s end.

Grieving is normal and involves stages that are not linear.

Sometimes the hardest part is giving up the dream of an imagined future together.

Practice empathy. It takes time for a new reality to set in.

 4. Be Careful Where You Get Your Information

Its normal to want to talk about what’s on your mind.

However, just because your best friend says her cousin’s daughter made out like a bandit in Illinois by asking for a pound of flesh, doesn’t mean your situation or local law is the same.

Its fine to complain to those who love you, but keep in mind advice from family/friends can put you at a disadvantage. You’re their primary source of information and they’re biased in your favor.

Also, there’s lots of misinformation on the internet.

Lawyer websites can be misleading or aimed at sales.  

5. Find the Right Attorney

Traditional lawyers earn more money the more you fight.

Some instigate disagreements so they can bill more hours.

Working with a cooperative divorce lawyer mediator like Julie Ernst at www.agreetodivorce.com, with over 25 years’ experience helping thousands of couples get divorced amicably, saves time, money, stress and heartache.